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Joke of the Day

"I've done a lot of stupid stuff in my life, but at least I've never signed up at the gym in January."

"Cop: What's the hurry? Me: Nothing officer - Just didn't want to slow you down. Cop: I was pulling you over. Me: Well I get that. Now."

"""Everybody freeze!"" -November"

"How many rats does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but you have to get them in the lightbulb first."

"Christmas tradition."

"Woah!!! You're a much fatter family than the stick figures on your rear window would indicate!"

"I didn't know what to wear to my Premature Ejaculation Society meeting... So I just came in my pants."

"I need a keyboard shortcut for ""sorry it's taken me so long to reply to your email..."""

"My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes"

"A call When making food, mum asked me to **call** out to her once I finish draining something. So, being a smart ass, I called her phone."