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Joke of the Day

"Being possessed would be cool because you could turn your head all the way around to say ""wrong hole"""

"Hey baby, is your name Polio? Because I am stiff below the waist"

"HR: Do you use the visualization exercises from the anger management class? Me: Yes, I picture a swarm of bees attacking co-workers."

"Yes, autocorrect, I live you too."

"Why are hamburgers essential to football? Because the game is played on a griddle-iron!"

"Why did Shakespeare break up with his girlfriend? Prose before hoes."

"Me: my fitbit broke Sales Guy: how Me: i put it on my dog's tail and asked him who's a good boy Sales Guy: if i give you a new one can i see"

"What do you give to a man who has everything? Penicillin"

"My wife drove us into town today, she parked up in a sidestreet. I said, ""I'll get a taxi from here."" ""Where to?"" She replied. ""To the f*cking kerb."""

"I said this to my girlfriend today, she wasn't impressed Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. I'm shit at poems, Now show me your tits."