197560

Joke of the Day

"If a tree falls on a woman, does she make a sound? The real question you have to ask yourself, is what was that tree we doing in the kitchen."

"Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"Why do the versions of Windows jump from 8 to 10? Because no one wanted Windows Nein!"

"When I treat people the way I want to be treated, they get weirded out when I start brushing their hair."

"Son:Dad's trick or treating as a ghost in a bed sheet? Wife:& heels,eye patch & his hand stuck in a Nutella jar. More like a ghost on ambien"

"How do you make a door hold water? You open it slightly so it's ajar."

"I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven I guess I should have put it on aloha setting"

"I'm deeply in love with you. But hard deeply, like demented. Kind of sick if you know what I mean. I will most probably end up carving you up. Want a coffee?"

"My neighbor just died of an overdose. He forgot to take his homeopathic sleeping pills."

"Here's to the stork that brings good babies... ""Here's to the stork that brings good babies, the crow that brings bad babies, and the swallow that brings no babies at all!"""