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Joke of the Day

"I'm deeply in love with you. But hard deeply, like demented. Kind of sick if you know what I mean. I will most probably end up carving you up. Want a coffee?"

"I have an eidolon memory. It's the same as an eidetic memory, but I'm also dyslexic."

"I don't know where else to put this, and I know reddit hates it, but if you have ok Google, ask 'what does the fox say?' I love their sense of humor."

"Me: I should stop drinking Me: Why? Me: I dunno Me: You're awesome when you drink Me: Really? Me: Yeah Me: Thanks, me. You're alright"

"How do you get a baby to stop choking? Take your dick out of its mouth."

"Did you know Oxford university was founded before the Aztec Empire? That explains the sacrifices my parents had to make to pay my tuition"

"Why did Jose push his wife off the cliff? Tequila..."

"There are 10 types of people in this world... Those that get it and those that don't."

"I'm going to donate these clothes I don't wear anymore to charity after I drive them around in the trunk of my car for eight months."

"Someone asked me if I'm ever scared that I'll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my cat was right there."