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Joke of the Day

"Son:Dad's trick or treating as a ghost in a bed sheet? Wife:& heels,eye patch & his hand stuck in a Nutella jar. More like a ghost on ambien"

"Why was Hitler a pussy? Because he had nein lives!"

"The secret to becoming a millionaire... Is by being a billionaire, then starting an airline."

"Went to a zoo the other day. The only exhibit was a dog. it was a shitzu"

"If Abraham Lincoln were alive today he'd probably run a really good blog about top hats and play bass in a Grateful Dead cover band."

"If we could only get rid of the federal government this country could be a libertarian paradise like Somalia"

"I hate the people who shout ""THIS IS THE POLICE, OPEN THE DOOR YOU CREEP"". Who plays those kind of jokes anymore? You're scaring my wife. She's only 12, jeez."

"Anyone who says cheetahs are the fastest land mammals hasn't seen me move a cat off an expensive area rug before he pukes."

"hey ther delilah wats it like in gotham city is the joker stil in jail-- i mean yes babe u look so prety yes u do batman is not a cool as u"

"How did Luke Skywalker know what Darth Vader got him for Christmas? He felt his presents."