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Joke of the Day

"""So how was your date?"" I talked about my obsession with reducing fractions too much ""That wasn't a good idea"" Yeah well, hindsight is 1"

"How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement."

"I've been watching so much porn lately I spit on my hotdog before putting it the bun."

"My friend told me that I just don't understand irony. Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time."

"[restaurant] ME: Do you have updog? WAITER: [sighs] No sir M: Ok, is this gluten free? W: No you have to pay for it M: Damn you're good"

"What does a Seal drink at a bar? Anything but Canadian Club.."

"Ran into my ex on the street. He's got a hot wife & 2 kids. I have a taco in my hand. And one in my purse. And an emergency taco in my coat."

"C, Eb, and G walk into a ""bar"" ."

"What did Drake Bell say to Batman? Sorry, still calling you Bruce! I found this on Facebook somewhere; I dunno who to get credit to."

"What if cats are born with names & the fact that we call them names that aren't those names is the reason they act irrationally towards us?"