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Joke of the Day

"I just realized I can make 50 funny faces at my boss in less than 30 seconds while the elevator door closes. Anyway, got fired."

"I just found out how babies are made. Gross!"

"Last night I asked my Asian girlfriend for 69... She made me sweet and sour pork with fried rice."

"I'm most freaked when I take the dog out after dark and remember it's stupid white girls like me that are killed first in horror movies."

"If you're a vegan who ran a marathon & got your dogs from a shelter, how do you decide which thing to wedge into the conversation first?"

"Q: How do you know when there's a elephant under your bed? A: Your nose is pressed against the ceiling."

"I may be schizophrenic But at least I have each other"

"Facebook has become the girlfriend you no longer like but are scared to dump"

"""911, what's the emergency?"" we were robbed. they stole the wireless router ""calm down"" also they shot my grandma or something. not sure"

"My sense of humor has been described as ""please stop"" and ""you're ruining dinner"""