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Joke of the Day

"For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid. Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted"

"How do lesbians celebrate special occasions? They eat out."

"Hey, man. Can I get a cold one? ""Sorry sir, the morgue is closed after 6."""

"I can't decide whether to buy a bicycle or a cow for my farm. Well wouldn't you look silly riding a cow? I'd look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle!"

"If you can't buy a person, you can always sell him."

"[2011, pakistan, seal team 6 enters the compound] ""chief, something has brought the boys to the yard"" bin laden [making a milkshake]: SHIT"

"What is yellow and lives off dead Beatles? Yoko Ono"

"The difference between pizza and love is that when the pizza ends it doesn't send you subtweets."

"The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work."

"Look, if crying doesn't solve the problem, then maybe I'm just not the person you should be asking."