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Joke of the Day

"I drink a glass of red wine a day for health benefits. The other 7 glasses are just for me."

"If April showers bring May flowers, what do Mayflowers bring? Smallpox."

"-Come on, it's time to go -No -We are going to be late -I hate school -But Mum, you have to take me!"

"I just Tokyo drifted my shopping cart into the checkout line and now all the moms in this grocery store want to have an affair with me."

"An egg and a chicken are lying in bed, the egg's enjoying a nice, post-coital smoke... Chicken looks over and says ""Well, that answers that question. """

"What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe? Roberto."

"I entered a contest for short people, and lost. I guess I was overlooked."

"How far away is the US Army's website? Just a few klicks away."

"Priests, TV personalities and now MPs guilty of bum fidderling no wonder us children of the 70/80s bang on about playing outside all day...who the f*ck would have wanted to go indoors"

"I put suicide notes next to roadkill so their animal families have some closure"