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Joke of the Day

"I asked Dad why we put cookies on the counter for Santa.. Dad replied ""because thats the way the cookie crumbles"""

"A lot of people have been asking me what I'll be doing in 5 years' time? C'mon guys, I don't have 2020 vision."

"My roommate was complaining to me that his favorite P!nk song never came on the radio. And i was like, ""so what?"" I'll show myself out."

"Welcome to Cupcake Yoga! NomNomaste."

"What's the difference between a useless golfer and a useless skydiver? The home golfer goes WHACK! ""Oh no!"" Whereas with the skydiver it's vice versa"

"A rabbi and a Catholic priest were talking When the priest asked the rabbi - ""When will you ever eat from my food?"" To which the rabbi immediately responded - ""At your wedding"""

"Steps to success 1:speak with God 2:??? 3:prophet"

"Did you hear that Elton John is singing at Amy Winehouse's funeral reception? He will be singing ""Candle Under the Spoon""."

"What is an Eskimos best friend? pol ice"

"When People Tell Me to Get a Life I take theirs."