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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear that Elton John is singing at Amy Winehouse's funeral reception? He will be singing ""Candle Under the Spoon""."

"If you're the guard at a Samsung store ... Does that make you the guardian of the galaxy?"

"Can you stop making holocaust jokes? My grandfather died in Auschwitz He fell out of a guard tower."

"Some schools are banning Santa so they don't offend non-Christian students. That sucks, because Santa is my favorite part of the Bible."

"Nothing is quite as scary as hearing your doorbell ring on the same night you made a blood sacrifice to the dark lord."

"What happened to the butterfly that ate too much marble? He shaterpillar."

"What happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your truck back, you get your house back, you get your girl back, and you get your dog back."

"[taking a picture] Me: ""Make love to the camera!"" Grandma: ""Don't make this weird, dear."""

"If I'm ever in a coma unplug me. Then plug me back in and see if that fixes the problem."

"""Wow this pizza is amazing"" Yes, well it's our specialty dough. We soak it in pickle juice. Dill pickle juice actually. It's a dilldough"