196615

Joke of the Day

"[getting escorted out of zoo] ""I just wanted to see if the panda knew kung fu like in the movie"""

"I had to get a Mastectomy last year... Whew, glad I got that off my chest."

"With Airlines stocks having crashed. I can't decide between paying for two extra bags or buying half the company."

"Why couldn't anyone help the tortilla? He didn't want to taco 'bout it"

"*moon landing* That's one small step for man, one giant leap for updog ""What's updog?"" NOT MUCH JUST WALKING ON THE MOON WHAT'S UP WITH YOU"

"Hey girl are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside you."

"Coworker: Are those Chinos? Me: No. These are my pants. Coworker... Me: Who steals pants?"

"What do you call tiny waves that wash up onto a beach? Microwaves!"

"I don't see what the big deal is with vaccinating your kids. My mom vaccinated me plenty and I turned out shapes."

"Attractive person: Hi. Me: Is this some kind of sick joke?"