196490

Joke of the Day

"I was wondering why it gets bright even before I see the sun rise in the morning. Then it dawned on me."

"What do you call a Roman fighter with curly hair in his teeth? Gladiator. (Glad he ate her)"

"*picks up bug, puts it outside* There ya go. *later, bug smashes thru door carrying gun* You should have killed me when you had the chance"

"Two fish in a tank Fish 1: uh, Greg? Fish 2: what Fish 1: how do we drive this thing"

"[at a bar] CUTE GIRL: *grabs my arm* hey there ME: *mouth full of food* did you know a lobster on a kabob is called a kablobster"

"What do Bill Clinton and Dick Cheney have in common? Both shot someone in the face while in office."

"Why don't golddiggers eat fruit? An apple a day keeps the doctors away"

"I know I'm supposed to be outraged about this whole NSA phone tapping scandal, but I've got to admit, its a little refreshing that after a decade of marriage, someone is finally listening to me."

"How do you make a 5yr old cry twice? When you rub your dick on her teddy bear."

"The other day, I was going down on my girlfriend... ...I said to her, ""Jeez you got a big pussy. Jeez you got a big pussy."" She said, ""Why did you say that twice?"" I said, ""I didn't."""