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Joke of the Day

"What do Bill Clinton and Dick Cheney have in common? Both shot someone in the face while in office."

"A ghost walks into a bar and howls Sorry sir' the barmen replies.""We don't serve spirits after eleven"""

"I was nervous leaving my ex in the backyard with my wife. I'll put a patio on them later."

"This girl just said, ""You know that feeling you get when you really really like someone?"" and I was all like, ""Nope."" and walked away."

"Samsung Galaxy S7 slogan: Rethink what a phone can do. To be fair, they didn't disappoint."

"I tried a vegan recipe book last night. It was much tastier than any of the recipes in it."

"Why did the police arrest the energizer bunny? He was wanted for several charges of battery"

"What do you call a man-eating tiger? A tiger."

"Today somebody called me a model! Well they said ""poster boy for birth control"", but I knew what they meant."

"WIFE: You promised not to spend the lottery winnings on something stupid ME: *climbing off my new elephant* He has a name, Karen"