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Joke of the Day

"Most people in horror movies would still be alive, if only those idiots had listened to the audience."

"What did the psychiatrist say to the patient that showed up wearing Saran Wrap and nothing else? I can clearly see your nuts!"

"Realized it was time to seek help for my Twitter addiction after I opened a carton of eggs and said ""Oh look, 12 new followers!"""

"What do you get when you eat a bunch of uranium? Atomic ache"

"Two atoms walk into a bar... One says, ""Oh no, I've lost an electron."" The other asks, ""Are you sure?"" ""Yeah, I'm positive!"""

"""Sir, I need to ask you to please stop spanking your monkey. This is a bank."" ""Fine, but I'm never coming here again. Come on, George."""

"[in class] Me: hey, can I borrow a pen? Guy: sure, black or blue? Me [sweating & swelling up]: you got one for bee stings?"

"A Muslim walks into the U.S Just kidding"

"[texting] -have a good day You two! *to Ugh *tpp Arghh *yoo DAMMIT *two shit *TOO YOU TOO There! :) -please stop texting me Ha! You two!"

"What do you get when you cross an atheist and a christian? An argument"