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Joke of the Day

"Hi, Id like to buy a Nutri-Bullet, pls. Salesperson: Ah, nice. Off on a cleanse or health kick? Yes. *imagines drinking lasagna* For sure."

"What do Hitler and Boston have in common? Neither can finish a race."

"Me: Do you have any wrongdog? ""Ugh fine what's wrongdog"" Me: thank you so much for asking I'm doing terrible"

"Jehovah Witnesses keep coming to my house... So today I decided to answer the door naked and... Well...I solved the Girl Scout problem...."

"Taking your shirt off when fighting is a great way to tell the cops who to arrest."

"A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender asks, ""Hey, buddy, doesn't that bother you?"" The pirate says, ""Yar, it's drivin' me nuts."""

"[looks over neighbour's fence while he's in the pool] ""Dude, we get it. You can hold your breath for [looks at watch] 19 days."""

"What do you call a shed full of colored folk? Antique farm equipment!"

"I need to stop drinking so much milk. It's an udder disgrace."

"What's black and doesn't work? Decaf coffee you racist fuck."