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Joke of the Day

"I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey... But I turned myself around"

"I feel bad for people without arms... ... They can't rapidly take off their bottoms when they need to take a massive dump."

"What is the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with a light on"

"What's the opposite of ennui? Off-ui. from *Gilmore Girls*."

"[in basement lab] wife: you cant just make your own honey me: (mouth dry, spitting pollen everywhere) I know that now Lisa."

"Does anybody know what date Easter is this year? And if so, what are you, obsessed with Easter"

"Why was the little ink blot so unhappy? Because his mother was in the pen, and they didn't know how long the sentence would be."

"What kind of bees give milk? BOOBIES!!!"

"My neighbor Ron is mad at me just because my book 'The Many Lawn Care Mistakes of My Neighbor Ron' is a hit with both critics and readers."

"I'm taking part in a scavenger hunt. I have already killed twelve scavengers"