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Joke of the Day

"[in basement lab] wife: you cant just make your own honey me: (mouth dry, spitting pollen everywhere) I know that now Lisa."

"Um, hi. How much is the rent for this amazing apartment? Ma'am, this is the wine aisle of the grocery store."

"What do you say to a lady that has to make 100 shirts by tomorrow? you seamstressed"

"A pencil puts on a hat and turns to another pencil and says, ""this hat looks terrible doesn't it?"" The other pencil days, ""it does, but I don't see your point."""

"ROUGE ONE SPOILERS!!! Screen fades to black at the end and a bunch of names start scrolling up."

"What is the most common question asked by iPhone users? ""Does anyone have a charger I could use?"""

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? That's a trick question. Feminists haven't changed anything."

"What do you get when you drop a Hawaiian pizza? Pearl Harbor pizza."

"What's Hitlers least favorite drink? Jewce"

"Everyone suffering from diseases and natural disasters: hang in there, we're liking Facebook posts as fast as we can."