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Joke of the Day

"My neighbor Ron is mad at me just because my book 'The Many Lawn Care Mistakes of My Neighbor Ron' is a hit with both critics and readers."

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"Picture us, making love. Wrong. More cheese."
"What's the worst part about season 1 of Lost? The *pilot* episode."
"Going to prison I was just sentenced to twenty years for my part in a timeshare fraud. I have to go to prison for two weeks every year for 10 years."
"Finally looked up from my phone screen and noticed I'm being passed around by the crowd at a Blink 182 concert."
"Man died after crushing against a mirror Witnesses said: ""he saw it coming"""
"Don't be irreplaceable - if you cannot be replaced, you cannot be promoted."
"Musical Contradiction Piano is my forte."
"""to my son, i leave my bathroom scale"" the lawyer sighs ""because where theres a will, theres a weigh. to my wife, i leave my last high five"""
"To err is human; but to really mess things up requires a computer."