196314
Joke of the Day
"Why did the thesaurus have a creeping feeling? He had an antonym."
Next Joke
"H: ""Whatcha doing?"" Me: ""Going on twitter to hang out."" H: ""Twitter is an app, not a place."" Me: *whispers venomously* ""Is too a place!!"""
"The invention of the shovel was a groundbreaking discovery"
"When my goldfish starts acting like a jerk I remind him that his bowl is microwave-safe"
"A nurse reached into her pocket looking for her pen and found a rectal thermometer instead. She turned to her colleague and said ""some asshole has got my pen""."
"Whenever someone asks if I'm a robot I tell them no I'm androidgynous."
"What do you call post-modern Persians? PomIranians"
"What is the first question you ask a baby cow, after its gotten over an illness? How are you vealing?"
"A kid looks up from his phone... ...."
"Did you hear about the epileptic snake? It had a hissy fit."