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Joke of the Day

"Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident? A: Be too drunk to find your keys."

"Go ahead, criticize my overprotective parenting but no gorillas were shot on my watch."

"I used to supply filofaxes to the mafia I was involved in very organised crime"

"I've been getting a lot more use out of my treadmill since I put a blanket and pillow on it."

"Helped a turtle cross the road today. So how does this karma shit work? Should I buy a lottery ticket, or just try to fold a fitted sheet?"

"Why is it bad to have a strong American dollar? It's harder to break bills."

"Did you hear about the Meat Packing CEO? He built his empire from the ground up. Ground up meat."

"Let the bodies hit the floor? Ok but first let me put down some plastic this is new carpet I don't want to ruin it my mom will be pissed"

"At least people that have hit rock bottom are disciplining their pet rocks This joke brought to you by my ten year old son"

"Whats the difference between my sex life and my virginity? I have a virginity."