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Joke of the Day

"If you blow out the kid's Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them."

"What do snowmen call their offspring? Chill-dren."

"My wife tried to make antimatter in the kitchen But she ran out of counterspace"

"A man goes to the doctor... ...to seek treatment for both premature ejaculation and diarrhea. The doctor simply shrugs and says ""Easy come, easy go."""

"What do you call a lesbian with one leg shorter than the other? Gaylene!"

"This is your brain: [hippo standing in a field] This is your brain on twitter: [100s of people surround the hippo patting it rhythmically]"

"Remember to keep the 'inmate' in 'intimate' by getting married."

"Midnight Mass is my codename for the weight gain induced by eating three dozen cookies."

"Why Does the Pope wear Boxers? He doesn't want to look down on the unemployed."

"Q: What do agnostic, insomniac dyslexics do at night? A: Stay awake and wonder if there's a dog"