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Joke of the Day

"The Commandments 1) def don't kill 2) no stealing, obvs 3) don't say my name? idk 4) luv ur neighbs! 5) but don't LOVE-love them, that's bad"

"How many Vietnam veterans does it take to change a light bulb? You weren't there, man!"

"[casting call] -have u acted before? *shows VHS of me at a food court eating free samples like I might purchase the meal -oh this guys good"

"Do someone a favor and it becomes your job."

"France and Italy are in a battle against each other. Who wins? Neither. France surrenders and Italy switches sides."

"What do you call a teenage cheese cracker? Chee-zits I made this up. *bows* Thank you, thank you...thank you so much."

"Need a joke to tell my Public Speaking class this Monday.. Can be as crude as you want, but no racist or sexist jokes."

"Whats green and goes round and round at 100 miles an hour ? A frog in a blender !"

"If it ain't broke, I haven't borrowed it yet."

"You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway."