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Joke of the Day

"My wife said we each needed to make sacrifices to make our relationship work. She was less than impressed with the dead goat I left in our kitchen."

"I think it was stupid of David Bowie keeping his cancer a secret. The amount of likes he would have got on Facebook would have saved him ten times over."

"Took my drivers test high on magic mushrooms. Passed with flying colors."

"19: Okay mom, don't freak out but... TOO LATE"

"What do you call a black man on the moon? *An Astronaut*"

"Men are like mini skirts. If you're not careful they'll creep up your legs."

"I'm not saying I'm bilingual but if you shout at me in German I'll probably do whatever you want"

"How did Arnie convince his wife to move in with him? ""Live vit me if you vant to cum"""

"*ring* Her: Hello, Sex Addict Hotline Me: Help please Her: Ok sir. Let's take some breaths. Deep. Slow. In and out Me: THIS ISN'T HELPING"

"A man was at his dentist when the dentist said ""This is going to hurt a little"" Man: ""That's ok"" Dentist: ""I've been fucking your bitch since last summer"""