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Joke of the Day

"#MyRoommateIsWeird she keeps having babies and making me take care of them. She also insists I call her 'Wife'"

"Where do you see yourself in five years? I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."

"How does a redheaded surgeon operate? Gingerly"

"Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backwards? They like the part where the hooker gives the money back."

"What do you say to an overworked clothing maker? You seamstressed."

"Sexual Pun Joke for Guitarists She wants the D...major. So I picked her up in a barre. Fingering was much easier that way. And yeah, the fingering was easier, but there's always strings attached."

"How do you make a lemon orgasm? You rub its cituris."

"Low key just wanna defeat Thor and rule Asgard"

"""It's just bananas, bananas, bananas with you,"" the wife shouted. ""If I told you I was going to leave you because of this ridiculous obsession, what would you say?"" ""Well, thanks a bunch,"" I replied."

"What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a seven year old? Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out the window. EDIT: Damn it he was four"