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Joke of the Day

"Quitting twitter is the adult version of running away from home. We ALL know you're doing it for attention and we ALL know you'll be back."

"How do you get 4 gay guys to sit on 1 bar stool? Flip it upside down."

"I went into panera the other day The clerk said, ""do you want a side of chips or a French baguette?"" I replied, ""never baguette."""

"Why is it called stand-up comedy? Because people in wheelchairs shouldn't be laughed at."

"If you can't handle me at my worst then I should probably pull myself together and be considerate of others."

"What would you do with $1 Million? I would buy a new butt, mine has a hole in it."

"What is a toilet in Ancient Mexico? Aztec."

"*mugger snatching Elsa's purse Elsa: LET IT GO! Mugger: LET IT GO! Elsa: CANT HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE! Mugger: LET IT GO! Elsa: LET IT GO!"

"Hyperbole makes me want to kill myself."

"My neighborhood is having a meeting tonight about the crazy naked lady and I'm the only one not invited. Weird."