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Joke of the Day

"*lowers head *breaks thru 5 tackles *hurdles lineman *runs 100 yards *hamstrung at goal line *dragged back to line of scrimmage -my wedding"

"Someone just honked to get me to get out of my parking spot faster so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead"

"Policeman: Why were you speeding? Motorist: I was trying to get home before I ran out of gas."

"What do you call a sauna massage? A saussage"

"It's all fun and games until your iPhone is at 10% power"

"White people are only thinking about one of 5 things at any given moment: 1. skiing 2. sadness 3. edamame 4. revenge 5. Greek yogurt."

"I'm spending valentines day doing math homework. I'm stuck here with an eX, and I'm still trying to figure out whY."

"Wanna hear a dirty joke? Ok. The boy fell in the mud. Ready for a clean joke? Yeah. He took a bath."

"A buddy of mine quit his job at the paper mill, He said the conditions were tearable."

"I had sex last night... Her: You don't have AIDS, right? Me: Of course not, why? Her: Oh thank goodness! I got it last time and it really sucked."