19593

Joke of the Day

"Heard on Haight St. the other day: Why didnt the lifeguard save the drowning hippie? Cause he was just too far out, man. Edit: I work on Haight St. This was in exchange for one cigarette."

"How do you say ""constipated"" in German? Farfrompoopin'"

"The gardener at my work put beer in the garden to catch slugs SO GUESS WHO JUST BECAME A SLUG"

"Have you heard Adrian peterson used to play baseball? He might play for the twins this year. Apparently he is a switch hitter."

"What starts with F and ends with UCK? Firetruck. Sorry."

"Hilary clinton married for love Love of power, sure, but it's technically love"

"The police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. The police charged one and let the other one off."

"Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think we give a shit."

"What do you get when you cross a mountain-climber with a mosquito? Nothing, you can't cross a scaler with a vector."

"My neighbor won't give me a straightforward answer, he's always beating around the bush. Every time I ask why he just says ""fuck you Gerald, it's my bush and I'll masturbate here if I want to"""