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Joke of the Day

"Q. How do you keep a blonde at home? A. Build a circular driveway."

"What does the son of God do when he is the victim of medical malpractice? Jesus"

"Saw a couple standing in the park holding each other tightly, silently, not moving. I was touched. Both their phones must've been stolen."

"i love nature :) sittin in grass, soakin up sun, listenin to all those weird ringtones that come from those animals in the trees or whatever"

"Why did the man sleep after being run over by a car? Because he got tired."

"I could retire today and live happily for the rest of my life.... so long as I die by noon, thursday."

"Q: Have you seen the polish mine detector. A1: Put you fingers in your ears and start stamping the ground with your foot."

"I hired a private investigator but he spent two days staring at my hedges Turned out he was a privet investigator."

"What did the ocean say? Nothing, he just waved."

"DEAR ENTIRE WORLD: LIGHTENING IS WHAT BLEACH DOES TO HAIR. LIGHTNING IS WHAT I'M GOING TO STRIKE YOU WITH FOR YOUR CRIMES AGAINST SPELLING."