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Joke of the Day

"DEAR ENTIRE WORLD: LIGHTENING IS WHAT BLEACH DOES TO HAIR. LIGHTNING IS WHAT I'M GOING TO STRIKE YOU WITH FOR YOUR CRIMES AGAINST SPELLING."

"If you're going to do something illegal don't plan it through Facebook Do it somewhere private where no one will see you, like google+."

"[Taken 26] Abductor: I have your great granddaughter LIAM NEESON: I literally died 12 years ago"

"Why does Snoop Dog carry around an umbrella? Fo' drizzle."

"Did you hear about the patriotic zombie who wanted to serve his country? He joined the Marine Corpse."

"name a hurricane ""Jesus"" cuz then u could say ""Jesus is coming"" & have unaware ppl frantically prepare for rapture"

"What's the best part of sex with a transvestite? Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through."

"A man learned that every time he reposted a joke on Reddit, he gained a year to live. He was already immortal."

"{Text} Me: Come home soon baby, I'm dressed like Leia.. Him: So turned on, I am.. Me: If you show up dressed like Yoda it's not happening"

"When you try to prove to someone that something doesn't work, it will."