195368

Joke of the Day

"My wife got mad at me for starting another British TV series... I said, ""don't worry, it'll be over soon."""

"January 1: GONNA WORK OUT EVERYDAY January 2: [works out] Jan 3: [kind of works out] Jan 4: [too busy to work out] Jan 5: VANITY IS BULLSHIT"

"What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher? One minds the train the other trains the mind."

"ME{from upstairs}: Honey, I'm gonna take a Buble bath WIFE: You mean bubble bath, dear ME: Right MICHAEL BUBLE: Are you getting in or what?"

"A rabbi, a priest, and a Lutheran minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, Is this a joke?"

"Why did a kid get arrested for taking a home made clock into school? Sounds like he had already done the... time"

"One time I was checking out this really hot girl and she paid me for it because I was a grocery store cashier."

"What do nutrition labels and tumblr have in common? They're both full of trans fats"

"I grew up in a small town that only had one general store, one bar and one prostitute. Mum found it pretty hard working three jobs."

"*Throws up some gang signs* *stabs self in eye with salad fork* Hubs: Next time you do the Macarena, put your fork down."