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Joke of the Day

"How do you kill a vegan vampire? Steak to the heart."

"I hate people who take drugs... ...such as the police and customs officers."

"Why did the little pig hide the soap? He heard the farmer yell ""Hogwash!"""

"Homework. The teachers' way of knowing how smart the parent is."

"Guy to a friend, ""I just got a new job"" Friend ""oh yeah doing what?"" Guy ""fucking your mom, it's got good health benefits"""

"What did the elephant say when he was pulled out of the quicksand by the balls? Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Ball!"

"This guy called me ""mindless"". I didn't think much of it."

"Did you hear about the clown who had Ebola? His poop tasted funny"

"(Outside at dusk) Wife: Lovely evening. Me (Covered in mosquitos): Glorious."

"How many children's TV presenters does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to change the lightbulb and another to show one they changed earlier."