163475

Joke of the Day

"The only thing a woman wants jumping out of a cake is another cake."

"How did the hipster burn his tongue ? cos he drank he coffee before it was cool..."

"I don't know much about fashion. I assume a leotard is an idiot born between July 23 & August 22."

"Dear Satan, God never healed my dyslexia so I'm looking for new religion. Please send some pamphlets. And tell Rudolph hey. Love, Me"

"Midwife [handing my baby]: make sure you support his head Me: that's a really great, floppy little head you've got there. Well done"

"Why don't taxi drivers talk to each other? They already know everything."

"Boss: You can't drink while you're working! Me: Oh, I'm not working."

"Why is it called PMS? Because mad cow disease was taken."

"My grandma thinks of me as a rock star... Always having me sign her tits. Takes forever."

"Psychologists say that the left half of the brain is responsible for both kleptomania and numeracy. It's the taking part that counts."