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Joke of the Day

"""WE AREN'T SO DIFFERENT, YOU AND I."" -- bad guys reaching for a weapon at the end of the movie"

"What do we want? BIGGER PLACARDS! When do we want them? NO"

"A WASP goes into a clothing store to buy a suit. He asks a salesperson, ""How much is this one?"" The salesperson says, ""It's $1000."" The WASP says, ""I'll take it."""

"A man walks up to a woman at a bar... ""Hey baby, how about tonight we try the 68 position?"" ""What's that?"" ""You give me a blowjob, and I'll owe you 1"""

"Monster energy drink bumper stickers--because you can't give your truck an eyebrow piercing."

"worst place to be stung by bees is the club bc it just looks like you're doing cool dance moves & sure u win the dance off but at what cost"

"ME: Leave me alone! You're not my real dad! CRAWDAD: [patiently] I am doing my best to raise you on my own. Now eat your plankton."

"Dad Joke: Help! There's a letter coming out of the water! It's an emerging 'C'."

"Is it a rule now that Betty White has to be in everything? Because she is simply ruining this porn for me."

"Cop at the gym just puked when he saw me do squat-thrusts. Said he hadn't seen anything that hateful or violent since the LA riots."