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Joke of the Day

"ME: I wonder if it wrestles cutely too? ZOOKEEPER: Sir, get out of the panda enclosure. ME: lol. No. *gets mauled to death by panda*"

"Fox News has determined the cause of the recent plane crash. It was the left wing."

"How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but he/she has to want to change."

"How many Chicago Policemen does it take to crack an egg? None. It fell down the stairs."

"You know you are successful when ... Girls from school who ignored you on facebook back in the day all of a sudden want to add you on linkedin."

"So this dude is like, ""Where are you going with all that Element 83?"" and I was like ""None of your bismuth"""

"Best love poem Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm bad at poetry, date me"

"What do you call a midget psychic who escaped from prison? A small medium at large"

"Why aren't there any knock-knock jokes about America? Because freedom rings"