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Joke of the Day

"Fantasy Football Why won't fantasy football let me pick up Aaron Hernandez? He'd be killing on my team!"

"What happened to the girl who wore a mouse costume to her Halloween party? The cat ate her."

"Flight Attendant: ""Would you like some headphones?"" Me: ""How did you know my name is Phones?"""

"if someone asks you about yourself say ""OK, sit down, this is going to be a really long story"" then just wander off"

"Why doesn't Aaron want to get out of the water, even though he is hydrophobic? Because he enjoys living in denial."

"What's the difference between a white girl who likes to tan and a burger? They both need to be flipped every 10 mins, but only one turns pink when its done."

"Knock Knock Who's there ? Colin ! Colin who ? Colin all cars Colin all cars !"

"I wipe my counters with raw chicken breasts because I refuse to have weak children."

"How do you tell if you have a high sperm count. She chews before she swallows."

"Why did the girl reject the landfill owner? His place is a dump"