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Joke of the Day

"Video games don't cause violence, they PREVENT it. Whenever I see a turtle now, I chuck it off the nearest cliff where it can't hurt anyone."

"Teachers of the modern era who still expect hard copies of assignments can't bitch when I turn in a margarita-soaked paper."

"So I accidentally called my teacher 'mommy' yesterday... Now she knows exactly what kind of porn I'm into."

"What do you call an elevator full of white people? A box of crackers."

"The country would be a lot better off if the South had won the war..... ...General Lee speaking"

"""Gotta wake up early"" *sets alarm for 5am* *wakes up at 4:55am to cancel alarm* *goes back to sleep*"

"Kids are back to school & all I do is worry about their guinea pig. Is she lonely? Bored? Silly? I should probably hold her. I need a life."

"How many non-humorous people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One"

"A pony walks into a bar... ... ""Give me a drink"", he says to the barkeep, ""I'm a little hoarse."""

"A dyslexic man.. A Dyslexic man walks into a bra."