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Joke of the Day

"Kids are back to school & all I do is worry about their guinea pig. Is she lonely? Bored? Silly? I should probably hold her. I need a life."

"Jack the Ripper and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name. Coincidence? I think not..."

"What would Hillary tell Bill when she will sit at the Oval Office? ""Close, Bill, but no cigar!"""

"What do people from West Virginia do on Halloween? Pump Kin."

"You say ""bed."" I say ""horizontal worry pod of nocturnal overanalysis."" Let's not get caught up in semantics."

"Yo momma's so stupid when she tried to commit suicide, she killed her twin."

"I have more memory of my conception than I do of last Saturday night... though sometimes I really wish my parents hadn't done porn."

"There are many different theories about why humans even need to sleep but I'm pretty sure it's to charge our phones."

"The Benefits of Being Masochistic What doesn't kill you makes you longer"

"What do you call an angry Iron Man at a Skrillex concert? Stark Raving Mad"