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Joke of the Day

"Judge: how do you plead? Guy: well usually to my wife Judge: haha I feel ya brother, bailiff please fist-bump the defendant"

"My New Year's resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall. And I plan on sticking to it."

"HER: You promised me you were over your Bruce Willis obsession. ME: Sorry. Old habits die hard with a vengeance."

"Bartender: ""Do you want a drink, miss?""nnMe: ""What are my choices?""nnBartender: ""Yes or No."""

"Why did the blonde go to church? B/c she heard there was a guy hung like [this](https://riverchurchtelford.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/jesus.jpg)"

"Got a reality check today It bounced."

"OMG THIS IS SUCH A SURPRISE THE THOUGHT OF WINNING AFTER A NOMINATION IS A PHENOMENA THAT BLOWS MY MIND HOW DID IT HAPPEN - All Emmy winners"

"Why couldn't the effective vitamin supplement achieve true happiness? He was too super fish oil."

"Lions sleep 18 hrs a day.. If hard work is the secret to success , then donkeys would have been the kings of jungle!"

"A lady asked me if I had any gum this morning I replied ""Sorry, I don't have any Extra"""