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Joke of the Day

"This looks like a job for.. *I rip open my jacket* Jacket Repair Man! *I sew my jacket back together*"

"What's a cops favorite TV show? Justified"

"1st date: I love the spiderman movies Me: So do I [thinking of something to say to impress her] Me: I used to be a spider"

"Unfortunately, the house having 'period features' turned out to mean we had to get the decorators in once a month."

"Sweet dreams are made of cheese. Who am I to diss a brie. I cheddar the world and the feta cheese."

"Ten years ago, we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash & Bob Hope. Now we have no jobs, no cash, & no rope to hang myself with if I read this again."

"Black Fathers"

"I saw an advert for a 1 TV. It said ""The volume is stuck on full."" Well, I can't turn that down, can I?"

"You - The food smells wonderful Me - That's me I burped"

"I just ran out of tissues... Lately, it's been coming in handy"