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Joke of the Day

"Don't spend too much on toilet paper It's all for shit, anyway."

"[walks in to UPS store holding rabid raccoon] Hi my boyfriend said he wants to take a break so I'd like to ship him this please."

"Well, if anything, the Mayans DID teach us ONE valuable lesson. If you don't finish something...it's really not the end of the world."

"A man walks into a sofa... Couch"

"A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks him, ""Where did you get that thing?"" Parrot says, ""Africa."""

"You can learn a lot about a man based on how he responds to a bird pooping on him. Also background checks and digging thru his trash."

"Some call me an alcoholic, But I call myself an antisocial drinker"

"I forgot to go to my seminar on mindfulness"

"I have a cast iron fetish I guess you could say I'm pansexual"

"Facebook is pretty much the Wal-Mart of the internet."