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Joke of the Day

"Well, if anything, the Mayans DID teach us ONE valuable lesson. If you don't finish something...it's really not the end of the world."

"Relationship status: binoculars"

"How is being a Jew like eating a burrito? It's really not a problem until they give you gas."

"What does a War Boy from Mad Max say when he goes to court to sign an affidavit? ""WITNESS ME!"""

"Looks like Trump is going to lose the presidency I guess his erection is going cost him the election"

"I was getting a handjob from this blind hooker... She told me: WOW! This is the biggest dick I have ever felt! I said ""No way! You're pulling my leg!"""

"I won the meat raffle in the bar. Wasn't the answer my kids were expecting when they asked how I met their mother."

"I'm very patient in the way that I can last 45 minutes trying to fix something before I have to pound the shit out of it with a hammer."

"How do you know Satan's barbeque ribs are good? Cos they're trident tested. #noapologies"

"*walks out of prison, a free man. *guards shouting from gate ""From! At! For! With!"" What? ""Oh, we always end sentences with a preposition"""