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Joke of the Day
"""sir can you describe the stingray that attacked you?"" yes it was like a weird pancake"
Next Joke
"I'm on a version of the Paleo Diet where I eat anything I want knowing that my fossilized remains will be plenty thin in 2.5 million years."
"My Mother texted me and asked ""What does TTYL mean?""... I replied, ""Talk to you later"". So she responded, ""No! Talk to me now! What does it mean?"""
"At this point, History Channel, you might as well just take that final step and change your name to Speculation Television."
"""Are you listening to understand or to be right?"" ~ sometimes pretending to listen results in unexpected mutiple choice questions"
"The greatest trick the devil ever played was making you feel productive when you're really just fucking around."
"Talk to your kids about drugs. Maybe they have better connections than you."
"I can't believe it's Christmas eve eve eve and they're making me work."
"Listen lady, you have 2 options. Either make your baby stop eyeballing me, or she & I can go outside to settle this."
"What do you call a boxer with an upset stomach? Gaseous Clay"