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Joke of the Day
"I don't want to just eat Olive Garden. I want to eat OLIVE it."
Next Joke
"Me: I'm going to bed after this episode. Netflix: Hahahahahaha! Sure. Ok."
"Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: ""We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."""
"Asking your stay-at-home wife what exactly she did all day is a fun way to bleed."
"What's a dancer's favorite type of water? Tap water"
"I get a new phone every year just so my friends don't think I'm lying when I tell them I've lost their number Avoidance is expensive"
"Like a stoned man once said, I can't remember."
"I thought about another woman while having sex with my wife so to make up for it... I thought of my wife while having sex with another woman."
"Gift horse ""My gums are bleeding."" Dentist ""Well this is a professional dilemma..."""
"What do you call a sober Irishman? A liar."