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Joke of the Day

"""Have u seen my cat?"" ""I saw a cat down the road?"" ""Really? [shows me a picture] was it this cat?"" ""No, the one I saw was dead."""

"Selfies are just sad reminders that you have no friends willing to take pictures of your face and cleavage."

"The last time Japan upset a nation this much was December 7th, 1941."

"The difference between the Pope and your boss. The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring. "

"ME: Eat your lemon PIRATE: No ME: It stops scurvy PIRATE: [folds arms, shuts eye] ME: [carves tiny skull on lemon] PIRATE: [opens eye a bit]"

"I enjoy cereal so much.. I enjoy cereal so much that I started incorporating it into other aspects of my life. For example, I don't get blue balls, I get Grape-Nuts."

"Have you ever seen one of those billboards that just says ""AVAILABLE"" and a phone number? That's your mom's number."

"I'm pretty Gouda cheesy jokes And I bet you Swiss I had another."

"Why do Eyeballs Make Great Comedians? Because they are filled with vitreous humor!"

"An iphone user walks into a bar, a hotel, or a field. He's not too sure"