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Joke of the Day

"I wanna Die peaceful in my sleep just my like my Grandpah! Unlike the passengers in his car..."

"Great move NASA, let's blast Will.I.Am's music into space. That will definitely let every alien nation know we are intelligent. Throw in some Beiber while your at it."

"ME: *trying to fit in* I ALSO don't fly. PENGUINS: *shuffling about while trying to keep their distance* ZOOKEEPER: Sir, get out of the pen."

"Clark Kent: How's your lunch? Bruce Wayne: This soup is great. CK: don't BW: You could even say CK: please don't BW: It's Souper, man"

"I'm starting a nightclub to cater to people infected with AIDS It's called ""Hi Five"" in Roman Numerals (HIV)"

"What do mutiny and an orgasm have in common? A sudden surge of seamen."

"Women are like hurricanes... They enter your life wet and wild, and they leave with your lawn furniture THAT WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARAH, YOU BITCH."

"Did you know Sasha Grey retired? It's fine though, at least she went out with a bang!"

"Justin Bieber said to be just devastated to hear the news on the Boston marathon . . . . . .but hopes that everyone involved are fans."

"Why was the female bank teller angry? She was going through the change..."