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Joke of the Day

"You Can't spell ADVERTISEMENTS without semen between the tits!"

"I can spell relief with one letter P!"

"*Goes to bathroom *Reaches down to unzip *Discovers pants have been unzipped for the last 4 hours *Starts wearing underwear"

"God has no Phone, but I talk to him. He has no Facebook, but he is still my friend. He does not have a Twitter, but I still follow him."

"Your name is Jeff with a G? Jeffg? Ok"

"I saw a car with ""Wash Me"" written on it, so I set it on fire. I'll be damned if I'm going to allow cars to become sentient!"

"Use this to start a conversation with a stranger. ""On a hot day nothing feels more relaxing then butt chugging a slushy. Say, do you have a funnel?"""

"Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but it's not necessary to show it off."

"Seduce Angela Merkel by fondling the hem of her cardigan while whispering ""Aren't you too pretty to be a Chancellor?"""

"A man was found dead eight years after committing suicide Sort of proves his point, doesn't it?"