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Joke of the Day

"I only enter names and numbers into my contacts so I can see who I'm ignoring when they call."

"Identify a superhero: You see him flying: Superman If you see him climbing: Spiderman If you see him swimming: Aquaman If you see him exploding: Musulman"

"I wonder if Dumbledore ever used the sorting hat to help him with the laundry."

"I really hope it's a typo on your resume where it says you're ""goat oriented""."

"How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie"

"What's green and has wheels? A Pickle and I lied about the wheels."

"What's the difference between yogurt and the US? Yogurt's got a culture. (no offence)"

"Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh it's all right. I know what's inside."

"My 2 year old woke up. 5 minutes of ""Mommy!"" 5 minutes of ""Mommy?"" Said ""Daddy?"" one time & my wife said, ""You should go check on her""."

"An eight-year-old kid says t his dad ""When I grow up I want to be a musician."" The dad says ""I am sorry -- can't have it both ways."""