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Joke of the Day

"I went in to a pet shop and said, Can I buy a goldfish? The guy said, Do you want an aquarium? I said, I dont care what star sign it is."

"Two jokes walk into a bar... Where's the punchline?"

"""If I could have dinner with any person, dead or alive... ..I would choose alive."" -BJ Novak-"

"A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, ""Can I park here?"" ... ... ""No"" says the cop. ""What about all these other cars?"" ""They didn't ask!"""

"How did i escape Iraq? Iran."

"I was standing next to a guy before he was brutally stabbed. It was a near-death experience."

"Why was 9 mad at 0 after winning a game of bingo? Because 0 1 2"

"I choose which country to root for in the Olympics by what cuisine I'm hungry for at the moment. Go Italy! #gnocchi2014"

"Why did the semen cross the road? Because I put on the wrong pair of socks this morning."

"why do the ladies love jesus? *spreads arms wide* because he was hung like this"