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Joke of the Day

"If you read enough tweets you can tell the approximate time the tweeter switched from coffee to alcohol"

"Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducks."

"A hurricane is like a woman. When they come, they are wet, crazy, and wild. But when they leave, they take your house and your car."

"[First Date] Him: Great dress. Me: Oh, this? *flips hair* *twirls* *skirt flares* *foot catches* *face plants* Him: Me: Hey! Come back!"

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I've never let a garbanzo bean in my mouth."

"What's the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts? beer nuts are $1.50 and deer nuts are under a buck"

"What does Osama bin Laden and my wife's clitoris have in common? Took me 10 years to find it, but when I did; killed it!"

"What do you call an octopus that's missing one tentacle? Octopus Prime."

"If life gives you melons You might be dyslexic."

"What's the hardest part about cooking a vegetable? Getting the wheelchair in the pot."